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Saturday, July 21, 2012

In-Laws or Out laws?

Where is the joint family where it was a close knit family in all respects?

Now a days leaving out the husband everyone is an attachment in the new system. The current trend is to find out who is going thro' 'saat pheras' with an attachment of M-I-L and F-I-L.(mil, fil).Though living in a joint family was an 'in 'thing in our times, it surprises me my own generation people - a matter of 4,6 years difference thinking of staying with the mil and fil a burden.You are ready to accept the man aka son as your life partner but you do not want the one who gave the life partner to be with you?

 We , were brought up in a joint family and it never got into our head to separate the husband or mil and fil away from the family. Rather it was a blessing in disguise to be in the company of elders who can guide us. What's happening now?

 Those who have many sons do not have any problem and like a foot ball they can keep going to wherever they are kicked to, what about those who have one or two?Here it's like the divide and stay policy, 6 months here 6 months there,if that 6 months happens to be abroad, quoting the weather , they can cut short their in-laws stay, and naturally they have to came back. If the parents happen to possess property, or land the sharing will go smoothly as the carrot type property is the bait and holding thread for the parents. Anticipating the acquiring wealth, the DIL is ready to bear with the in-laws. But by mistake if the property is divided while they are alive and  or no property, the scenario changes. From what I hear and see, a mother-in-law  divided all her assets like gold and silver among the daughters and daughters -in-law after a decade of her husband's demise. . And when the time came for the mother -in-law to attend an important social function, she was left with no ornaments to adorn her neck or arms. I felt the DIL should have offered a chain or so to her MIL. How selfish these DAUGHTERS-IN-LAWS are. 

The irony is some of the daughters- in -law have openly expressed their  heart to their co -sisters,' how can you live with in laws, I cannot keep them for more than a week', I can't stand them breathing thro' their  neck.Once in a while it's ok'.
 I found out this is a case where the DIL do not have a brother in the house, more of sisters and there is no chance of having a brother's wife to see how her mother is treated by her brother's wife..Experience is the best teacher.
Nor do I say those who have brothers treat their in-laws well, and it's not always the case with all. In some cases only one son takes care of the parents and others expect it as the duty of the eldest son to do so, which is not correct. When the property is divided it's divided equally among all the children and when the talk of keeping them comes all try to look the other way. Why is it so?
At least my generation people have many siblings, but what would happen to people of my generation who have one son and one daughter or two daughters, two sons or one daughter/ son? Where to go? No wonder the Old Age Homes are finding a place in the search engine .Wherever the DIL are ill treating their in-laws, one thing is clear by maintaining silence the son / s are also equally responsible for it, and share the sin.
In some cases, the sons give the authority to their better half,just to get peace of mind in the family, but that should not be the case , whack wherever necessary and there is always a solution to problems unless one  becomes the problem. 

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