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Sunday, October 4, 2009

IN the SUN-SET years

I have been listening to elderly people talking about the way they are treated by their own offspring’s in a bad manner. In some cases they are monetarily independent, some are not. As long as one has the roti, kapda, makaan it is ok.

Old people need love they want them to be handled with affection and all they need is a tender care in the evening years. They become a child once again, with adamant nature and would like to do what they feel like. It is the responsibility of those around them to understand and act accordingly. Treating them as human beings particularly treating them with their respect intact is more important.

They do not look for financial assistance rather they expect emotional bondage with those around. They need empathy, someone to share their feelings and joy.

Longevity of life has gone with the increase in health awareness, and the mushrooming of health clinics and multi-media. I read this some where,

’An eighty-five-year-old mother of three sons and four daughters, a widow bore barbs and barbaric treatment stoically, not raising a voice. She was "divided" between the sons. They took turns every 15 days to keep her. Since she messed up the house, the daughter-in-law gave her an open air living area — the driveway.

The sky was her only shelter, the sun, wind and rains her companions. She was made to bathe with the dirty water that was left after washed clothes were rinsed. She was kicked, abused, her hair yanked at and cut off because it was too long and the daughter-in-law had to wash them for her. "She hit me with chappals and said she would throw me into a mental asylum.’’

Her sons were the mute spectators of the action taken by the daughter-in-law.
Spineless fellows could only watch silently lacking love and gratitude to their mother? A mother is a mother …
Parents nurture their children not with the repaying thing in their mind but they do it without any expectations in return. They pour immense love and affection to make their children stand on their own legs. It becomes an indispensable duty of the children to take care of their parents, behave in such a way that they bless you wholeheartedly.

Affectionate daughter-in-law and dependable and reliable mother-in-law are the base for the family. Mother-in-law should know that the d-i-law has left her family to be a partner to her son .Hence she should act as her mother while dealing with her.

Since the daughters also get the share of property, they can be loyal to their mothers. But sons are bought by their wives, hence will have to turn a blind eye to the treatment. Parents without money are considered a non profit –existence.

Every one of us will have to grow one day, all of us will see the sun-set. Upto a certain age one can take care of oneself, but when the time comes, one has to depend on someone. We have to take a ‘u’ turn to be affectionate and caring.

The daughters –in law take the in-laws for a ride especially when the sons are away, the in -laws have no strength to complain or fight out their rights. They are the watch dogs of the house, they are at the receiving ends whenever the d-i-l gets irritated or annoyed and shows her anger at them, and they bear the brunt of it silently. If both are alive it becomes easy b’coz they can express their heart out; if it is one of them then life becomes hell.

The son takes it to his advantage as long as it doesn’t come to his ears, it is well and good. Some places the sons themselves are at the mercy of their partners, some times by the blind love and beauty; sometimes it is shirking responsibility in the name of office work. There are cases where one finds the d-in-law 's parents being ignored, shows her frustration on her in -laws.

There are some still who take care of the in laws as their own parents. Give them proper care, pour out affection, and are even appreciated by the society.
They are the ones who gave light by burning them like a candle and when they need light it is their children’s turn to make them see in the light.

"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty."

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