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Sunday, September 29, 2013

Humour in Tid bits

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.

“How can the three of you travel on one ticket?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers’ technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all!
“How in the hell are you going to pull this off?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. “Ticket, please!”
One Day A Man Came Back Early From His Office.
He Was Shocked To See His Wife With Another Guy.
He Told His Wife To Go Out Of The Room.
Then He Said To The Guy: "What Are You Doing Here?”
The Guy Replied "I Love Your Wife & She Loves Me Too.”
The Man Said: "I Know That My Wife Loves Me & Not You.”
After A Long Conversation They Decided: "We’ll Lets Hold Our Guns & Fire At Each Other & Pretend To Be Dead.”
"She Will Mourn For The Guy She Loves The Most & The Other Person Will Get Out Of Their Lives.”
The Wife Heard The Gunshots, She Came Into The Room, Shocked And Surprised, Stood Staring At Both The Dead Bodies.
Suddenly She Started Laughing Out Loudly, Rejoicing And Shouted
"Bob Get Out Of That Wardrobe, These 2 Idiots Are Dead Now!"
A poor boy loved a rich girl.
One day the boy proposed her.
Then the girl said, "listen! your
monthly salary is my daily hand
expenses. Should I be involved
... with you? How could you thought
that? I will never love you. So,
forget me 'n get engaged with
someone else of your level."
But somehow the boy could not
forget her so easily.

10 years later.

One day they became face to face
in a shopping center. The lady
said, "Hey! you! How are you?
Now I'm married. Do you know
how much is my husband's
salary? Rs. 2 lac per month! Can
you imagine? 'n he is also very

The guy's eyes got wet with tear
by hearing those words.
After few minutes her husband
came before the lady could say
something to the guy, her
husband started to say by seeing
the guy.

"Sir! You here? Meet my wife."
Then he said to his wife, "I'm
going to assist a project of sir,
which is of Rs. 200 crore. 'n do u
know a fact? Sir loved a girl but he
didn't get her. That's why still he
is unmarried. How much lucky the
girl was. Isn't it? Now a days who
can love like that way?"

Moral: Life is not so short. So,
don't be so proud of yourself and
damn others. ..
Situations change with time. Every
one should respect other's love.
Jim and Mary were both
patients in a Mental
Hospital. One day while
they were walking past the
hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly
jumped into the deep end. He sank to
the bottom and stayed there. Mary
promptly jumped in to save him. She
swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware
of Mary's heroic act he immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the
hospital as he now considered her to be
mentally stable. When he went to tell
Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have
good news and bad news. The good news
is you're being discharged because since
you were able to jump in and save the life
of another patient, I think you've
regained your senses. The bad news is
Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself
with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I
am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I
put him there to dry."
A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.” This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.” One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.” The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.” The lady without missing a beat screamed “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!

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