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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

How the elderly could convert Loneliness into Solitude?

The Difference between Loneliness and Solitude, And that is the problem! 

1. Loneliness is a painful, negative state.
2. It is where we feel alone, and cut off and estranged from other people. Thus, we may feel as if we are excluded, unwanted, unimportant or unnoticed.  
3. We can be surrounded by people we know and love and still experience feelings of intense loneliness.
4. It is punishment or rejection. It is rooted in a sense of deficiency or inadequacy.
5. It is something that depletes us, and is imposed on us.
6. It can lead to self rejection, and even to self loathing and despair.

1. Solitude is a positive state.
2. It is where we are perfectly happy to be by ourselves, and relish and enjoy 'our own company'
3. It can help us get in touch with, and successfully engage with, our true self. It makes us to reflect on ourselves, others, our life, and our future.  
4. It is the springboard to self-awareness, some real creativity, fresh insights and new growth.
5. It is something we can and do choose. It is something that restores and builds us up.  
6. It grounds us in who we are – and that enables us to reach out and give to others.
At 75, frustration, a feeling of disappointment, almost sets in, for almost all; often including expressions of anger in an unhelpful or self-defeating manner. It is due to expecting the world to act or react as we wish. Things are as they are; so no amount of ranting and steaming will change that. True, I'm aware. But how to change the perspective, or angle, on events

Once I 'realise' the type of situation, or specific triggers, like from some close relatives, I fail to escape situations before they occur. May be I cannot avoid it; but why I am unable to be simply prepared for it! Simply because of 'Old age' and accompanying 'Loneliness'?

Do I not know I Should have proper expectations of others? I also don't know, how! Why people don't behave in a certain way? To match my expectations of "correct" behaviour! Even so should I need to be pleased by other people's behaviour? 

Do I know how to check that my reaction is reasonable, while I feel so, though! Why I fail to see things as I perceive them? Do others notice the same things I do?

Is it that I often fail to properly express my concern, to get my needs fulfilled?
Won't even positive, polite words make someone more likely to help me?
If I accept others' needs, can 'we together' cooperate with one another to fulfill mine as well?

Why I always see myself as a victim? Perceiving myself as a victim, or expecting a reward for my sufferings, how then can I respond reasonably to what the world has to offer? 

Spending hours on a task that is neither enjoyable or productive, such as watching a TV show, I don't like. Can anyone help change my behaviour? Even small changes, smaller than I would like, with the hope it may lead to more change, if I encourage them.

Should I keep away from activities that take my concentration away? Dwelling on frustration or negative aspects of life only makes me feel worse, until it almost develops into a habit. It's not easy to "just snap out of it". I fail to focus on my feelings directly, throw myself even into an activity that demands full attention. How to choose an activity that makes all happy, some hobbies? But even work or houseckeeping used to be an effective distraction, become the source of my frustration.

When I don't have a hobby now, at this age, is there any advice and some specific suggestions for finding one?

Frustration causes apathy, or severe lack of motivation, resulting in spending long time on activities that are neither productive nor enjoyable, or failing at goals due to procrastination So, let me fight procrastination. 

Unpleasant or difficult tasks often weaken my motivation. Let me break the cycle with : removing distractions, turning off phone, and all other electronic devices, and even the internet, unless so required for the specific task I'm working on. 

The solution : 
Let me spend adequate time with supportive people, with whom I can freely talk to without any  obsession, about my frustration. If only they listen and don't sit in judgement. 

Would they?

Mrs. Kokila Mani

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