Santa comes home from his doctor
and, though usually quite active with his children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.
His wife notices that Santa avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.
Immediately Santa whisks his medicine prescription out of his pocket and hands it to the wife & said, "Read that label. That's why!"
and, though usually quite active with his children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.
His wife notices that Santa avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.
Immediately Santa whisks his medicine prescription out of his pocket and hands it to the wife & said, "Read that label. That's why!"
Wife takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
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,,
Santa :Can I know my mobile bill, please?Call center girl : Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.Santa : (He got angry and..)You stupid...Call center girl : Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?Santa : I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill..Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
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Santa went to London for official matter and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.
Santa: Who is speaking?
Servant : Servant Sir.
Santa: Where is the Madam?
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa: What? I am her husband came to London today.
Servant: What can I do now sir?
Santa: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?
Santa: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa: What...? No swimming pool?
Servant: Yes Sir
Santa: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Santa was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.Santa stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger inher face, he said, 'From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And whenI'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair .'The funeral director,' said his wife.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for ahome-cooked meal." a, so he invited the woman.The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal. Banta liked the ideaBanta, "It was a flop idea."Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?''Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first customer. The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but no boby turned up. WHY? Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
.............................
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their Garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
..............................
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY?
B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
..............................
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
..............................
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
..............................
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
..............................
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
..............................
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
..............................
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
..............................
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
..............................
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!
..............................
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
..............................
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
..............................
A smart student
TEACHER: Why are you late?
Sardar student : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
Sardar student : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
..............................
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
Sardar student : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
Sardar student : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
.............................
TEACHER : go to the map and find North America.
Sardar student : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Sardar !
.............................
TEACHER : name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Sardar student : Me!
.............................
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Sardar student : Don't bite any.
..............................
TEACHER : Kittu, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Sardar student : I is...
TEACHER : No,. Always say, "I am."
Sardar student : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
..............................
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Sardar student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
.............................
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Sardar student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
..............................
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Sardar student : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
..............................
TEACHER : Now, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sardar student : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
..............................
TEACHER : your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
KITTU : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
.............................
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Sardar student : A teacher
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Sardar tells a girl "Come to my house at nite, nobody will be there
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there.
..............................
A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do u know what the business was? He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
..............................
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!
..............................
Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?
..............................
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin. Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater. Again twins & named Max & Climax. Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
..............................
19 sardars went for a film. On asking them why they came in a b ig group of 19, they replied that the film is only for above 18+...
..............................
A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
function. Suddenly all relatives beat him. Why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"...
..............................
Teacher:"I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".
..............................
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.......WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
.............................
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!
.............................
Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself - I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....
.............................
One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
..............................
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
..............................
"Santa! Your daughter has died!"
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor: I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa
.............................
A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is following me...
..............................
Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs back.!
..............................
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
..............................
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
.............................
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
..............................
Why can't sardars dial nine-eleven (911) at emergency?
Becoz, they can't find the eleven on the phone.
..............................
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you've 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply next year.
.............................
Sardar's wish: When i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving....
.............................
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!.
.............................
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast..........................
Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a Graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 ! bodies and are still digging for more.
..............................
A man asked Sardarji: Why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
..............................
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital
Man says: "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.
Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is "you're standing on the oxygen tube!
..............................
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji.
Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box.
He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says " If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die "
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says " Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor "
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says " I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch "
The Bengali's widow says " I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says " I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!
Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box.
He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says " If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die "
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says " Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor "
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says " I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch "
The Bengali's widow says " I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says " I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman.
Now who is Ravan????????????????
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!
..............................
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
.......................
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.
..............................
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 maale se gir gaya tha
Banta: toh fir bach gaya ya mar gaya ?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
..............................
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa do
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pehchan lega.
..............................
Boss: Where were you born?
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
------------------------------
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Sardarji jokes….
A sardar slips & falls due to banana peel. Gets up and starts walking, sees another banana peel ahead and says – OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO FALL AGAIN!
-----------------
Sardar got a invitation for party, they told him that he must wear brown tie only. Sardar went to party and shocked to find that others were wearing PANT & SHIRT TOO!!
---------------------------
If doctor lies, it is CERTIFICATE
If police lies, it is WITNESS
If politician lies, it is MANIFESTO
If minister lies, it is STATISTICS
If a girl lies, it is LOVE
-----------------------
One day Sardar had a dream that he is going to be killed. Next day, he closed his account with ICICI Bank. Because, ICICI Bank makes your dream come true!
--------------------------
Sardar: My son has swallowed a key!
Doctor: When?
Sardar: Three months back
Doctor: What you were doing all along?
Sardar: We were using the duplicate key and now it is lost.
------------------------------
A sardar saw a beautiful girl…….He went and kissed her…
Girl: Stupid, idiot, what are you doing?
Sardar: B.E second year…
-----------------------
God will be: above you – to bless u,
Below u – to support you,
Before u – to guide you,
Beside u – to comfort u,
Behind u – to protect u,
Inside u – to sustain u.
Jayalalitha went to Mudhumalai to see elephants taking rest. She posed with elephants. Next day, newspapers published the picture with a note: Jayalalitha, third from left…
Bus accident –
A man was crying… my hand has been cut down….
Sardar: why are you crying and making a scene? See that man, he died, is he crying?
Sardar got a new job… First day, he worked very late. His boss was pleased and asked him what the sardar was doing all long late the previous day.
Sardar: The alphabets in the keyboard were not in order…
I set it correct!
If you want to be a winner in life… and want to be successful... listen to what your wife say and DO THE OPPOSITE!
Sardar: What is the guarantee for this mirror?
Shop keeper: Drop it from a height of 100 feet… the mirror will not break till 99 th feet!!
Sardar: WOW, great! Give me 10 nos.
6 rules to be happy:
Never hate
Do not worry
Live simple
Expect little
Give more
Always smile
The bus conductor says, half pant, half ticket, full pant, full ticket!
Suddenly Sardar removes his pant and says NO PANT, NO TICKET!
A sardar learning English introduces his family in a party…
“Hi, I am sardar, this is my sardarni, he is my kid and she is my kidney!-…
When a man opens door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing…
Either the car is NEW or his WIFE!
A sardarji saved 6men out of 25 from a burning house…
Yet he was jailed.
Why?
Because, all of them were FIREMEN!
A sardar went to an interview…
Manager: What is your date of birth?
Sardar: Feb 17th
Manager: Which year?
Sardar: Every year…
Women live longer and lead peaceful life.. Why?
Sardar: Because women do not have WIFES…
Husband: You always carry my photo in your purse… Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, I look at your photo and the problem disappears…
Husband: See how powerful and useful I am to you…
Wife: yes, I see your photo and say to myself: what other problem can be greater than this one?
Teacher: What is the similarity between Jesus, Gandhi and Mahavir?
Sardar: They were all born on HOLIDAYS…
Police: Are you married?
Sardar: Yes … to a woman…
Police (angrily): Are you mad? Did you here any body marrying a man?
Sardar: yes, my sister did…
Sardar won lottery for Rs. 20 lakhs. The agent gave Sardar Rs.11 lakhs after deducting tax. Sardar angrily said: Give me Rs 20 lakhs in full or return my Rs. 20 ticket…
Thought for the day—
By the time you realize what your parent said is CORRECT…,
You will have a kid who will begin to think that you are WRONG..
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for WATER?
Sardar: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: What is this?
Sardar: Yesterday you only said it is H to O.
Sardar was getting down at every station and buying ticket to next station…
Asked why he was doing so, Sardar said the doctor told him to avoid long journey…
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded by enemies on all sides…
Sardar Major: Good! We can shoot at any direction…
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call center girl: Sir, just dial 123 to get your current bill status..
Sardar: Stupid… not current bill , my mobile bill…
Teacher: Tell me, which is big…, elephant or ant?
Sardar: Madam, please tell me their date of birth first.
Sardar wrote exam. Question paper was in YES or NO type. Sardar tosses coin. For HEAD he writes YES and for TAIL he writes NO. He finished the exam in ten minutes. Sardar tosses the coin once again. The Supervisor was angry and asked Sardar what he was doing? Sardar replied that HE IS RE-CHECKING THE ANSWER…
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
|
One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence? " He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result
was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence? "
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it
will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer
with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and
thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the
questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same
questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know
what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent
Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he
pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside,
since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member
asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and
final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What
is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name
one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
" Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can
answer with certainty only after seeing the report
."
"When did India get independence? " He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result
was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence? "
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it
will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer
with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and
thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the
questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same
questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know
what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent
Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he
pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside,
since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member
asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and
final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What
is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name
one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
" Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can
answer with certainty only after seeing the report
."
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
Sardarji then wrote a note saying:
"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground". Signed: "A Sardarji".
Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree.The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying:
"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please leave my son." Signed: Another Sardarji
SARDARJI STRIKES AGAIN
Boss: Where were you born?
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
------------------------------
Sardar Jokes
>1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha
>foreign channel kyon dekhta rehta."
>Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
>2.
> 4 hightech sardar inventions:
>---Waterproof towel
>---Solar powered torch
>---Book on how to read
>---Pedal powered wheel chair.
>
>3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before
>taking it?
>foreign channel kyon dekhta rehta."
>Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
>2.
> 4 hightech sardar inventions:
>---Waterproof towel
>---Solar powered torch
>---Book on how to read
>---Pedal powered wheel chair.
>
>3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before
>taking it?
Guess what To avoid side effect!!!
>
>5.
>Man:sardarji where were u born?
>sardarji: punjab.
>man: which part.
>Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is
>born in punjab".
>
>6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
>---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me
>bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.
>
>6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
>"akal badhi ya bhais "
>Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".
>
>8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door
>coz it was an entrance exam.
>
>9.
>Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2
>collect donations for a
>swimming pool.
>Banta: give him a glass of water.
>
>10.
>Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical
>college.
>Banta: really what is he studying?
>santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
______________________________
>
>5.
>Man:sardarji where were u born?
>sardarji: punjab.
>man: which part.
>Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is
>born in punjab".
>
>6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
>---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me
>bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.
>
>6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
>"akal badhi ya bhais "
>Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".
>
>8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door
>coz it was an entrance exam.
>
>9.
>Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2
>collect donations for a
>swimming pool.
>Banta: give him a glass of water.
>
>10.
>Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical
>college.
>Banta: really what is he studying?
>santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
______________________________
Robbing the Bank
Santa and Banta decided to rob a bank but during the process of the robbery they mess it up, but they do managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor.
They do manage to take one sack each.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,Santa comes home from his doctor and, though usually quite active
with his children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.
His wife notices that Santa avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.
Immediately Santa whisks his medicine prescription out of his
pocket and hands it to the wife & said, "Read that label. That's why!"
Wife takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM
CHILDREN."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,![]()
with his children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.
His wife notices that Santa avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.
Immediately Santa whisks his medicine prescription out of his
pocket and hands it to the wife & said, "Read that label. That's why!"
Wife takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM
CHILDREN."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,![]()
,,
__._,_.___
Santa : Can I know my mobile bill, please?
Call center girl : Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
Santa : (He got angry and..)You stupid...
Call center girl : Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
Santa : I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill..
Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
Call center girl : Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
Santa : (He got angry and..)You stupid...
Call center girl : Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
Santa : I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill..
Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,![]()
Santa went to London for official matter and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.
Santa: Who is speaking?
Servant : Servant Sir.
Santa: Where is the Madam?
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa: What? I am her husband came to London today.
Servant: What can I do now sir?
Santa: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?
Santa: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa: What...? No swimming pool?
Servant: Yes Sir
Santa: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
Santa: Who is speaking?
Servant : Servant Sir.
Santa: Where is the Madam?
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa: What? I am her husband came to London today.
Servant: What can I do now sir?
Santa: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?
Santa: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa: What...? No swimming pool?
Servant: Yes Sir
Santa: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,![]()
Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling![]()
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Santa was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
Santa stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said,
'From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair ....'
'The funeral director,' said his wife.![]()
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
Santa stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said,
'From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair ....'
'The funeral director,' said his wife.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.
The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta, "It was a flop idea."
Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook
Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.
The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta, "It was a flop idea."
Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,![]()
,,,,,,,,,
,,,,Santa Biwi kay office aaya
to dekha Biwi Boss kay god may baithi thi
Santa - chal Preeto aisi jagah kaam nahi karna
jahan staff kay liya kursi bi na ho !!!!!
to dekha Biwi Boss kay god may baithi thi
Santa - chal Preeto aisi jagah kaam nahi karna
jahan staff kay liya kursi bi na ho !!!!!
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